In a recet post by Nigeria’s foremost comedian, Alibaba, he talked about an epidemic worse than Ebola in a piece titled Singleton! The comedian expressed his thoughts on the challenges single mothers in Nigeria face and how they can overcome these challenges.
Every now and then, I meet and get messages, from ladies, who either lost their jobs, widowed, pregnant and no job, the guy who impregnated them absconded, or is around but doesn’t give a hoot, or working but can’t meet the financial demands of raising kids on their own, or the guy agreed to having the babies and to support with their upkeep… But things happened and he couldn’t come through with the promised support.
Single mothers are increasing in numbers consequent on one or two of the reasons mentioned above. And this always makes me ask, is it not possible to avoid being caught up in some of these tough situations? I know its impossible to know if you will be a widow and left with 2 or 3 kids to raise by yourself, as a mother. But when it happens, what is the solution?
Some ladies just want to have kids, because they attended a birthday party and they saw Kemi with her 2 lovely kids. They also know Kemi has no visible source of income. Wake up!!!!! Kemi has sources of income. Ruff n Tumble DOESNT dash kids clothes weekly… To be honest, you don’t want to know what she does to make those kids look desirable enough to make you want to have yours. Maybe Kemi has a job. Maybe she has a rich husband. Or maybe she has a loaded boyfriend. Saved up wealth. She could be the “saving grace” of a guy who has been looking for a child. She may have rich parents. She could be a surrogate mum. Who bore the kids and is caring for the kids for the true parents…. Maybe, just maybe…
But, hey, nobody can stop you from wanting to have your own child or children. You ought to. And if they don’t come naturally, adopt. There is no issue with that. Only problem is, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO PREPARE YOU FOR THE CHILD OR CHILDREN YOU PLAN TO BRING INTO THE WORLD? What are your plans towards taking care of them as they grow… Knowing that it cost more to bring a child up now than it did when our parents had us. That is not to say it was any easy on our parents. But hey, kids’ fees these days for a single school term, is a total of alllllllllllllll our primary up to university fees, plus allowances.
So lets say your bobo agrees to you getting pregnant. And you got pregnant. And he bails on you. What will you do? Lets even suppose you have a job. What will you do when you resume after your maternity leave… Good Nannies cost a lot. Bad nannies even cost more. Minimum subscription for a nanny now is about 25k… That DOESNT include her upkeep and consumables… Abi she no go dey chop for the house?
Okay… Before you guys begin to say WHATS ali baba’s own sef… Let me just say, I get whatsapp, twitter, Facebook and text messages from single ladies who are pregnant or have kids, but do not know what to do to take care of themselves, not to mention the kid or kids they have… Because of some of the reasons I mentioned in my first paragraph. I have helped when I could and advised when it’s advice they want. But, with the access and opportunities social media has opened up, these request for assistance based on the challenges of raising kids by single mothers, have become a regular feature in my inbox, DM, whatsapp and even one on one.
So I ask again, what can single ladies do, that will prepare them for when the kids come and there is no bobo, sugar daddy, father, husband or the equivalent… Or do to support what she earns even when there is such a person who is a significant other?
DONT get me wrong o… There are ladies who can hold their own and even still put the guy who they are with on a monthly allowance. They are not “among of” what I am about here. So zip it.
I know someone will think I have nothing to do, that’s why I am writing this… But trust me. There is an epidemic out there. It’s not EBOLA but single ladies are going through this daily. And it’s how to be a single mum and still hold your head high in the face of school fees, house rent, parental demands, sibling responsibilities, looking good, career pursuit, peace of mind, remain sexy and responsible,…
You may call me whatever… But soon you will be wondering why abandoned children are flooding orphanage homes..
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